“The faulT is not in our stars, but in ourselves.”
"It's a psycological effect,people remember the hits and forget the misses.There are 13 constellations, not 12 that the sun passes through.The sun spends more time in Ophiuchus than in Scorpio AND then the entire horoscope scale has been shifted 1 month over the past 2,000 years when it was all first laid out, the Earth is wobbling on it's axis and it changes the relationship between the sun and the skies against the constellations.So, then most Scorpios are Ophiuchans and ALL Scorpios and Ophiuchans are currently Libras.These are just the facts but none of the horoscopes tell you that because they're making money off of it.It's a billion dollar a year industry".
-Neil DeGrasse Tyson/Astrophysicist
"A horoscope is a divination from an astrologer, who, by taking no more into account than their client's date, time, and place of birth, tells them incredible things about themselves that they already knew, and usually some nice things that will happen to them soon".
ARIES (MARCH 21st-April 19th):
Stay away from elevators, your lucky number is the number 14.
TAURUS (APRIL 20TH-MAY 20TH):
A miserable lunch date comes near, wear your green & black underwear and a clockwork orange t-shirt.
GEMINI (MAY 21ST-JUNE 20TH):
Brand new fortunes and treasures await you at the end of 33 unheard voicemail messages.
CANCER (JUNE 21ST-JULY 22ND):
We think it might be the worst kind of it all.
LEO (JULY 23RD-AUGUST 22ND):
You are the bright and talented master of new age conscious narcissism.
VIRGO (AUGUST 23RD-SEPTEMBER 22ND):
Yes, we all smell your farts too.
LIBRA (SEPTEMBER 23RD-OCTOBER 22ND):
If you both eat lunchables, ask politely if you can still call it a date.
SCORPIO (OCTOBER 23RD-NOVEMBER 21ST):
Beads are far out and groovy, show a new friend how creative you can be!
SAGITTARIUS (NOVEMBER 22ND-DECEMBER 21ST):
Capitalism is killing the planet, go fill up your gas tank.
CAPRICORN (DECEMBER 22ND-JANUARY 19TH):
The Unicorn is the state bird of North Korea.Don't let them get you too far down.
AQUARIUS (JANUARY 20TH-FEBRUARY 18TH):
Friends don't let friends eat all the crayons.
PISCES (FEBRUARY 19TH-MARCH 20TH):
Entropy,Decay and Death.